The dangers of online candor

As all cops know, there is something exceptionally relieving in telling the truth. Lying takes a big effort; expressing who we are and how we really feel is the satisfying path of least resistance.

This is all good, but the impulse to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth creates some unique issues when it comes to blogging. The writer Ayelet Waldman describes on Salon the irresistible need to tell the whole truth on her blog:

Almost immediately I discovered in myself a confessional impulse, a compulsive need to haul open the tattered edges of my emotional raincoat and expose the nasty parts lurking beneath.

In a recent conversation with some friends, the issue of how much we can really afford to reveal in a blog came up. What price are we willing to pay to be naked in front of the world, especially if our blog is signed with our real first and last names?

Blogher, the upcoming San Francisco conference dedicated to women’s blogs, has devoted a panel on the issue of revealing yourself on your blog (How to be naked), which indicates just how important this issue is and how many people have already paid a price for their online disclosure.

Heather Armstrong, one of the BlogHer panelist, was fired in 2002 for writing about her work on her blog:

There is no such thing as unadulterated freedom of speech with a blog, not if you’re brave enough to tack on your real name to what you write.

There is a fine balance between free (and oh! so relieving) expression of ourselves and feeling comfortable when we realize that some people actually read our blog. Besides, nakedness is not always pretty to watch and total candor can be embarrassing (burping out loud is very liberating too, but who other than the burper enjoys it?).

Writing a blog is a balancing act. If the main motivation is self-expression and recognition (unless one earns money from one’s blog; I don’t), we should still be respectful of ourselves and the people we write about. And, if we really cannot resist telling the truth, what about one of those anonymous blogs?

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6 Comments

  1. Eddie James
    July 13, 2005

    I personally hate the idea of anonymous blogs. I don’t really see a point. Aren’t blogs about reading about the unique thoughts of an actual person? Of sharing our experiences?

    Anonymous blogs remind me of when I was in college and a career advisor told me that I shouldn’t list some of my leadership roles in certain school clubs on my resume because some employers would not even interview me if they saw an activity and assumed that I was gay, christian, black, liked to eat ice cream or whatever. I told her that I really didn’t mind if an employer like that rejected me. I wouldn’t want to work for a company like that anyway. Being honest on a resume weeds companies out and helps me find a company that better fits my needs.

    I know that there is a price to be paid sometimes for being honest, and I’m a big believer in self editing. Not all of our opinions deserve to be heard and there are consequences sometimes.

    But in the grand scheme of things being honest is going to pay off for the blogger and the reader more than trying to be vague or saying nothing at all.

    I can see not saying something on your blog once in a while, but I can think of very few issues or ideas that are so taboo that they warrant an anonymous blog.

  2. Antonella Pavese
    July 13, 2005

    I understand your point, Eddie.
    On the other hand, I just don’t feel entitled to judge other people’s circumstances. There is healing power in expressing oneself freely, even when one is not ready to be public about it (see, for example, PostSecret.com, or the psychoimmunology research on writing about traumatic experiences). I wouldn’t deny that possibility to anyone.

    Writing can help clarify issues before one is ready to talk about them. Reading about other people’s experiences can provide better understanding and make people feel they are not alone. So, if someone wants to use anonymous blogs rather than paper journals or their computers to do so, I don’t see the harm.

  3. Claus
    July 14, 2005

    One should also keep in mind that there are people who have no other choice but to remain anonymous, be it for political, for economic or for any other reason. Just think of the thousands of bloggers in Iran or China and the problems they keep running into as soon as their covers are blown.

    More generally speaking, I don’t think that you have to be honest or “authentic” (whatever that means anyway) in a blog, much less attach your own name to it. Playing around, masquerading or posing can also be very liberating, and the beautiful thing about blogs is that they actually give you the choice of acting out whatever possibility or identity or you would like to try. You may tell the truth (or what you perceive to be the truth), but shaping and twisting, even distorting the “facts” may also reveal things you haven’t noticed before.

    And isn’t that exactly what all the posters to PostSecret do in a way? Because what we get to see is of course not the guilt itself, but how they choose to dress it up and make it look nice, moving, etc. And for all I know, every single postcard could be a fake, but I don’t think that’s the point anyway: It would still make very powerful points about grief and hurt and how they can be expressed. I guess, attaching names to the cards might even waste some of that power, by turning them into individualized accounts of this or that person’s bad luck.

    Because blogging (as indeed any kind of publishing) is just as much about the reader who accidentally finds your story and relates to it, whether it is true or not. Just as you may relate to any silly old pop song, no matter if you know the artist or whether he/she really “means” it.

    So yes, there’s definitely a lot that can be said pro anonymous blogging.

  4. Antonella Pavese
    July 14, 2005

    Wow, thank you all, the debate is getting truly interesting.

    Claus, I find each of your points true and important. Blogs are expression, and expression is good, whether it comes with a true identity attached or not. (I would make a few exceptions, such as inciting mass violence in the name of an ideology or spreading intolerance, but I would argue that it doesn’t matter whether these expressions are anonymous or not. In fact, they are probably more powerful when they have a strong identity attached.)

    Sometimes, though (I think this was Eddie’s point) the path to happiness might require to say aloud things that you didn’t have the courage to say until now, or that people around you are suggesting to keep quiet. Always hiding is toxic, although sometimes required by the socio-political situation someone is in.

    I guess the point I was trying to make is that you don’t have to risk your relationships and your job just because you feel this strong compulsion to be totally honest on a blog that carries your name.

    You have choices. You may choose to say it anyway, or to keep quiet, or to express this part of yourself in a blog that is not immediately associated to you and your e-mail address. Having choices is good.

    Writing may help clarify the problem and push one to change his or her situation. It may show that after all what needed to be expressed was not that bad and we can actually say it aloud (disclosure: that happened to me). Or it might show that now that is out is out, and we just don’t want to have anything to do with it anymore.

  5. Eddie James
    July 15, 2005

    It’s interesting that the anonymous blog that we’ve been mentioning is PostSecret. It’s a fascinating blog, but it’s not really what I think of when I think of an anonymous blog. PostSecret’s interesting because you get to hear from lots of different people. It’s not one person’s opinion. It’s more a photo blog than anything else, with each photo telling a short story.

    I think of most blogs being the voice of one person. It’s okay to have an anonymous blog, but I also think it makes the blog less interesting and human. There are certainly exceptions. Fictional blogs can be fun, but they have to be very good fiction.

    But your point about people in oppressive societies that don’t have freedom of speech, is a good one. Anonymous blogs would definitely be a good idea in that case.

    I still say attaching your name to your writing makes it much more powerful to both the blogger and the reader, but I can see how an anonymous blog could be a good thing in certain situations.

    There are so many ways a blogger can use a blog. I’m learning that there are as many different ways as their are bloggers. Professional blogs, diary blogs, video blogs, audio blogs, link blogs, anonymous blogs, e-commerce blogs.

    It’s very interesting stuff.

    If you have any good anonymous blogs to send me, please do!

  6. Claus
    July 17, 2005

    Well, it is an interesting debate indeed, and I’m only sorry that I can’t contribute more frequently to it. Because this touches on so many interesting issues, not only blog-related, that one could easily fill hours of philosophical lectures, seminars and discussions with it (well, as is indeed being done).

    But I guess any judgment will eventually be a subjective one. I can only speak for myself, and indeed I’ve come across many anonymous or pseudonymous blogs which I found very powerful or moving, and on the other hand there are blogs with a clearly identifiable name on top which just don’t bother me. Which is, of course, not to say that these are “bad blogs” or “boring” ones, just that they talk about things that don’t interest me. But then again, that can happen with anonymous blogs as well and vice versa.

    Perhaps the only “rule” one could be making out is that anonymous/pseudonymous blogs are more frequently to be found in areas where there are some kind of taboos or touchy subjects involved, be they political, religious, sexual, emotional or whatever. I mentioned Iran because I spent some time researching the Iranian blogosphere in the run up to the presidential elections and I was really fascinated by the vitality and profundity of some of the writing there. (Blogs By Persians is a good directory of English-language blogs from Iran).

    I think the fascinating thing about blogging is that it’s basically about empowerment: You don’t need a publisher or a record label anymore to say what you think, just go ahead. But this power can cut both ways: Putting something out in the open can be a risky business, getting rough feedback, or no feedback at all, can be just as painful as keeping it under cover. Real empowerment is not just in handing people the tools, but also in showing them how (and when) to use them. Events like Blogher are a good thing, because they give bloggers the chance to get together and talk about such issues.

    As indeed are blogs which make you think about all this 😉 So thanks for an interesting debate, gave me some food for thought (and talk) over the weekend.

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