It’s such a wonderful night for a walk. You could use a cigarette and you need air. Air. Close the door behind you (did you close it slowly, so nobody would hear? Or did you slam it, hoping somebody would stop you?) and just walk, one step and then another step. It’s not that hard.
And here you are, just outside the train station. Light a cigarette. Watch the breeze play with the smoke and feel it on your skin. For a moment you almost forget. But it’s just a moment then the pain is back, all of it, and it’s time.
Walk to the tracks, take another puff, breath it in fully. Step just in the middle of the tracks, sit down, slowly lower your head to the ground. It’s hard, but not that hard after all. Move just a little bit to get more comfortable, put your legs down, close your eyes. The tracks fit you nicely, like a bed where you can, finally, rest.
At 9:47PM of Friday, August 18, the R5 local to Thorndale leaves Saint David station for Wayne. Wayne is where I left my car before taking the train to Philadelphia this afternoon. Just 2 minutes and I will be there; I’ll get into the car, put my backpack in the back seat, and drive home. I’m exhausted, it has been a long hard week.